Con Air

Netflix Summery:
When the government puts all its rotten criminal eggs in one airborne basket, it's asking for trouble. Before you can say, "Pass the barf bag," the crooks control the plane, led by creepy Cyrus "The Virus" Grissom (John Malkovich). Watching his every move is the just-released Nicolas Cage, who'd rather reunite with his family. The action climaxes with an incredible crash sequence in Las Vegas.

Checklist:
[x]Bad guy has facial hair
[ ]Dead family member
[ ]Bad guy “wants to deal with it myself”
[ ]“NOOOOOOOOO!!!”
[x]Someone gets impaled
[x]Someone gets a limb/head hacked off
[x]Someone explodes
[x]Someone dives out of the way of an explosion
[ ]“I want him alive”
[x]Hard ass chick
[x]Runs out of ammo
[xx]“We got company”
[x]Character that doesn't follow the rules
[ ]Wilhelm
[x]Cocky douche bag
[ ]Someone/something farts,poops,pukes,gets hit in the junk, or gets some sort of bodily fluid -besides blood squirted,thrown,or splattered on them.
[ ]Bad guy has a theme song
[ ]Token black guy
[ ]Black guy dies first
[ ]“Aw hell no”
[x]SSSSLLLOOOWWW MMMOOOTTTIIIOOONNN!!
[ ]Old man mentor
[ ]Animal/robot/sidekick for comedy relief
[ ]Guy named Jack
[x]Bad guy uses a pun
[x]Crotchety old man
[ ]Midget
[ ]Monkey
[ ]Uncomfortable scene where the cute guy/girl finds out unattractive friend wants to be more then friends or likes them more then a friend.
[ ]Bad guy laughs at at his own stupid joke
[ ]Character that is taking revenge
[ ]That overused scene where the two characters almost kiss but get interrupted by something
[ ]Someone trips during a chase scene
[ ]Character misses chance to shoot bad guy because he is too busy staring or listening to what the bad guy is saying
[ ]Explanation via a chalkboard
[ ]“Last hope”
[x]Martyrdom
[ ]Blonde in distress
[x]Montage of some sort to show time is passing
[ ]Car/vehicle flies off a cliff, then explodes
[ ]Henchmen waiting around and passing the time by talking to one another
[x]Character says something blatantly obvious
[ ]Intro includes narrated back story
[x]Deus Ex Machina
[ ]Impossible throw/shot
Cliché Total: 17/45 *New High Score!*

Things I Thought to Myself While Watching This Movie:
“Maybe you should put the headset on your head instead of just holding up the earpiece to your face, you look stupid.”
“There are plenty of empty seats on that plane. Why did they put the annoying black guy and the indian next to each other?”
“NICKY CAGE SOUNDS JUST LIKE FORREST GUMP!”

The Drinking Game:
Take a drink every time Diamond Dog says the word “pigs” (or if you really wanna get wasted take a drink every time something explodes).

Thoughts Of The Main Character As It Fades To Credits:
“Wow, life really IS like a box of chocolates.”

Quote(s):
"Man this is the time to fight, f*ck, or hit the fence, and I suggest you hit the fence"
"You just stay here and don't panic." "Easy for you to say, you dont gotta take a piss"
"I dont know how to tell ya this Cyrus, but we are three white guys short. Or as they say in Ebonics 'We be f*cked'”
"Gag and bag this nazi muffin"
"Put the bunny back in the box"

Summarization of Movie in One or Two Sentences:
Con Air: A movie starring Nicky Cage as Forrest Gump as he spends a good chunk of the movie trying to find a needle to give Bubbah his insulin only to have Bubbah get shot a few minutes after getting said insulin.

Stereotypes Portrayed:
Too many to name.

This Movie Brought To You By:
Some backed chicken, a Rice Krispie treat andsome diet coke,

Final Rating:
I give this movie 3 burning injins out of 5

Things You Might Have Missed By Leaving To Make A Sandwich During The Movie:
Nicky Cage's horrible southern accent (that makes him sound like Forrest Gump), "SNOWBALLS!", picking your handcuffs with a pin you hid inside your hand, lighting indian man on fire, the ol' bomb in a box that says "Dont open" on it because its a bomb trick, a license plate that says "AZZ KIKR", hitching up the inmates to the plane and dragging it out of the dirt like they are cattle, a cross dressing inmate, crash landing the plane on the Las Vegas strip, using a fire hose to take out cops on motorcycles, the plane taking off dragging a car behind it, and FINALLY: driving down the street on a beautiful day with your wife, the car is freshly waxed, peaceful music is playing and BAM a dead guy falls out of the sky and lands on your car.

Closing Thoughts:
This movie is a classic. I decided to try and pick a movie that had as many cliches as possible and boy Con Air didn't disappoint. Its a movie where anything and everything blows up and anybody and everybody gets shot. The movie could have gone without the really creepy but pointless Steve Buscemi parts but hey I am not complaining. If you are looking for a big dumb action movie, you cant go wrong with this.

P.S I have swapped out "shes gonna blow!" with "Montage of some sort to show time is passing"

Taxi Driver

Tonight I watched one of my favorite movies. Jodie Foster grows up and becomes a 12 year old prostitute. Robert DiNero is the hero in the movie. Harvey Kietel is a pimp. Peter Boyle is the man with all the answers. Susan Saranadan is the lovely lady.

This is how it ends.



Give it a watch.

[]-Bad guy has facial hair
[]-Dead family member
[]-Bad guy “wants to deal with it myself”
[]-“NOOOOOOOOO!!!”
[]-Someone gets impaled
[x]-Someone gets a limb/head hacked off
[]-Someone explodes
[]-Someone dives out of the way of an explosion
[]-“I want him alive”
[]-Hard ass chick
[x]-Runs out of ammo
[]-“We got company”
[]-Character that doesn't follow the rules
[]-Wilhelm
[xx]-Cocky douche bag
[]-Someone/something farts,poops,pukes,gets hit in the junk, or gets some sort of bodily fluid besides blood squirted,thrown,or splattered on them.
[]-Bad guy has a theme song
[x]-Token black guy
[x]-Black guy dies first
[]-“Aw hell no”
[]-SSSSLLLOOOWWW MMMOOOTTTIIIOOONNN!!
[]-Old man mentor
[]-Animal/robot/sidekick for comedy relief
[]-Guy named Jack
[]-Bad guy uses a pun
[]-Crotchety old man
[]-4th wall breach
[x]-Scenery shot to eat up time.
[x]-Uncomfortable scene where cute guy/girl finds out unattractive friend wants to be more than friends or likes them as more than a friend.
[]-Bad guy laughs at own joke.
[xxxx]-Dead body.
[xx]-Main Character says something blatantly obvious.
[]-intro with narrative back story.
[xx]-ASSHOLES that need to be castrated due to violent acts and crimes committed on children.

Lean on me

Just because Morgan Freeman plays a GREAT BASTARD!!!

[]-Bad guy has facial hair
[]-Dead family member
[]-Bad guy “wants to deal with it myself”
[]-“NOOOOOOOOO!!!”
[]-Someone gets impaled
[]-Someone gets a limb/head hacked off
[]-Someone explodes
[]-Someone dives out of the way of an explosion
[]-“I want him alive”
[]-Hard ass chick
[]-Runs out of ammo
[]-“We got company”
[]-Character that doesn't follow the rules
[]-Wilhelm
[]-Cocky douche bag
[]-Someone/something farts,poops,pukes,gets hit in the junk, or gets some sort of bodily fluid besides blood squirted,thrown,or splattered on them.
[]-Bad guy has a theme song
[]-Token black guy
[]-Black guy dies first
[]-“Aw hell no”
[]-SSSSLLLOOOWWW MMMOOOTTTIIIOOONNN!!
[]-Old man mentor
[]-Animal/robot/sidekick for comedy relief
[]-Guy named Jack
[]-Bad guy uses a pun
[x]-Crotchety old man
[]-4th wall breach
[x]-Scenery shot to eat up time.
[]-Uncomfortable scene where cute guy/girl finds out unattractive friend wants to be more than friends or likes them as more than a friend.
[]-Bad guy laughs at own joke.
[]-Dead body.
[xx]-Main Character says something blatantly obvious.
[]-intro with narrative back story.
[]-ASSHOLES that need to be castrated due to violent acts and crimes committed on children.

Sunday Double Feature: SLC Punk!

Checklist:
[ ]Bad guy has facial hair
[x]Dead family member
[ ]Bad guy “wants to deal with it myself”
[ ]“NOOOOOOOOO!!!”
[ ]Someone gets impaled
[ ]Someone gets a limb/head hacked off
[ ]Someone explodes
[ ]Someone dives out of the way of an explosion
[ ]“I want him alive”
[x]Hard ass chick
[x]Runs out of ammo
[ ]“We got company”
[ ]Character that doesn't follow the rules
[ ]Wilhelm
[ ]Cocky douche bag
[ ]Someone/something farts,poops,pukes,gets hit in the junk, or gets some sort of bodily fluid -besides blood squirted,thrown,or splattered on them.
[ ]Bad guy has a theme song
[ ]Token black guy
[ ]Black guy dies first
[ ]“Aw hell no”
[ ]SSSSLLLOOOWWW MMMOOOTTTIIIOOONNN!!
[ ]Old man mentor
[ ]Animal/robot/sidekick for comedy relief
[ ]Guy named Jack
[ ]Bad guy uses a pun
[ ]Crotchety old man
[ ]Midget
[ ]Monkey
[x]Uncomfortable scene where the cute guy/girl finds out unattractive friend wants to be more then friends or likes them more then a friend.
[ ]Bad guy laughs at at his own stupid joke
[ ]Character that is taking revenge
[ ]That overused scene where the two characters almost kiss but get interrupted by something
[ ]Someone trips during a chase scene
[ ]Character misses chance to shoot bad guy because he is too busy staring or listening to what the bad guy is saying
[ ]Explanation via a chalkboard
[ ]“Last hope”
[ ]Martyrdom
[ ]Blonde in distress
[ ]“Shes gonna blow!”
[ ]Car/vehicle flies off a cliff, then explodes
[ ]Henchmen waiting around and passing the time by talking to one another
[ ]Character says something blatantly obvious
[ ]Intro includes narrated back story
[ ]Deus Ex Machina
[ ]Impossible throw/shot
Cliche Total: 4/45

Things You Might Have Missed By Leaving To Make A Sandwich During The Movie:
Being called Heroin Bob but hating needles, accidently doing Acid by running through sprinklers with Acid in your pocket, handing another guy your glasses so they dont get broken when youre about to kick the crap out of someone, accurate depictions of the famously stupid alcohol laws in Utah, beating the crap out of Nazis, bitting rednecks in the leg, and FINALLY: trying to sink a car in the Great Salt Lake only to find that it floats.

Quote(s):
"The thing about me and Bob, and pretty much all of us was we hated red necks more then anything else...period."

So for the 2nd half of the double feature I decided to not follow the formula per say that I usually tend to follow. I am only going to do the checklist (because this is a blog about cliches) and the things you missed while making a sandwich. This movie was really interesting for me to watch because I could relate to it on many levels. Not just because well, the people who run this blog are from Utah, but just because I know what its like to have the same outlooks on life that the main character has and how he progresses through his life. I really enjoyed this movie and I am giving it 3 Utah inside jokes out of 5.

Sunday Double Feature: Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow

Netflix Summery:
When scientists the world over keep disappearing without a trace, it's up to intrepid reporter Polly Perkins (Gwyneth Paltrow) and top aviator Sky Captain (Jude Law) to uncover the truth in this futuristic, Art Deco-style actioner. The task involves putting their lives at risk as the pair travels to treacherous locales, hoping to throw a wrench in the plans of a villain who aims to wipe out the planet. Angelina Jolie and Giovanni Ribisi co-star.

Checklist:
[ ]Bad guy has facial hair
[ ]Dead family member
[ ]Bad guy “wants to deal with it myself”
[ ]“NOOOOOOOOO!!!”
[ ]Someone gets impaled
[ ]Someone gets a limb/head hacked off
[ ]Someone explodes
[x]Someone dives out of the way of an explosion
[ ]“I want him alive”
[ ]Hard ass chick
[ ]Runs out of ammo
[ ]“We got company”
[ ]Character that doesn't follow the rules
[ ]Wilhelm
[ ]Cocky douche bag
[ ]Someone/something farts,poops,pukes,gets hit in the junk, or gets some sort of bodily fluid -besides blood squirted,thrown,or splattered on them.
[ ]Bad guy has a theme song
[ ]Token black guy
[ ]Black guy dies first
[ ]“Aw hell no”
[ ]SSSSLLLOOOWWW MMMOOOTTTIIIOOONNN!!
[ ]Old man mentor
[ ]Animal/robot/sidekick for comedy relief
[ ]Guy named Jack
[ ]Bad guy uses a pun
[ ]Crotchety old man
[ ]Midget
[ ]Monkey
[ ]Uncomfortable scene where the cute guy/girl finds out unattractive friend wants to be more then friends or likes them more then a friend.
[ ]Bad guy laughs at at his own stupid joke
[ ]Character that is taking revenge
[ ]That overused scene where the two characters almost kiss but get interrupted by something
[ ]Someone trips during a chase scene
[ ]Character misses chance to shoot bad guy because he is too busy staring or listening to what the bad guy is saying
[ ]Explanation via a chalkboard
[ ]“Last hope”
[ ]Martyrdom
[x]Blonde in distress
[ ]“Shes gonna blow!”
[ ]Car/vehicle flies off a cliff, then explodes
[ ]Henchmen waiting around and passing the time by talking to one another
[xxx]Character says something blatantly obvious
[ ]Intro includes narrated back story
[x]Deus Ex Machina
[ ]Impossible throw/shot
Cliché Total: 4/45

Things I Thought to Myself While Watching This Movie:
“Hindenburg III? does that mean that the 2nd one blew up as well?”
“You can tell she is a journalist, giant robots are attacking the city but she HAS to get her camera”
“For a conveyer belt thats loading up every animal in the world into a rocket if you close your eyes and just listen it sounds like they are only loading up elephants and monkeys. “

The Drinking Game:
Take a drink every time they visualize radio waves with animated ripples. Take 2 drinks every time Gwyneth Paltrow complains about having only two shots left.

Thoughts Of The Main Character As It Fades To Credits:
“Boy its a good thing that the crazy german scientist guy put these escape pods in the rocket where no humans were going to be on board. “

Quote(s):
"Can we just die for once without all this bickering?"

Summarization of Movie in One or Two Sentences:
Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow: A movie that takes the 1930's and just throws robots in it.

Stereotypes Portrayed:
Journalists that have their name printed on the door and someone is dying and they are trying to say something important but die before they can finish their sentence

This Movie Brought To You By:
A cup noodle, a bowl and a half of Raisin Bran, another Jarritos, and some cheese nips.

Final Rating:
I give this movie 4 animated radio waves out of 5

Things You Might Have Missed By Leaving To Make A Sandwich During The Movie:
Taking the time to make a call from a pay phone whlie the city is under attack, visually showing radio waves, the ray gun from nazi zombies, shrunken elephants, getting paid in vienna sausages, waking up naked in bed with the reporter chick and your fat hairy friend, a guy that looks like a man sized version of yoda, a flying airstrip, the WORST computer animated skeleton imaginable, a blatant knock off of the big green head of the wizard in the wizard of oz, and FINALLY: kissing the girl you love and then punching her in the face.

Closing Thoughts:

I was really surprised by this movie. It came out years ago and I remember seeing the trailer once and never hearing from it again so I just assumed it sucked. Turns out it is a really imaginative, really cool little movie. I highly recommend it to anyone who is tired of your standard run of the mill sci-fi movie.

Check back later for the 2nd half of todays Sunday Double Feature: SLC Punk!

Driving Miss Daisy

Another good Morgan Freeman movie. This is a nice tale about an onry penny pinching jew and her black driver set in the 50's/60's. Her black driver couldn't read and was somewhat ignorant. She was crotchety and wanted nothing to do with him.

While reading the IMDB about this movie, I found a review with a quote I really liked. The review said "You can spend millions on special effects and get a shitty movie. Or, you can spend the same amount on story and rely on the ability of the actors and come out with an award winner." I will stack this movie up against any blockbuster etc. It has a great soundtrack that really sticks with you. The relationship between Hoke and Daisy really make the movie. Dan Akroyd does a great job as Daisy's son who hires Hoke. Most of the comedy from this movie comes from Hoke's wise cracks. There is nothing wrong with "An old nigger and an old Jew lady" driving down the road.

[]-Bad guy has facial hair
[]-Dead family member
[]-Bad guy “wants to deal with it myself”
[]-“NOOOOOOOOO!!!”
[]-Someone gets impaled
[]-Someone gets a limb/head hacked off
[]-Someone explodes
[]-Someone dives out of the way of an explosion
[]-“I want him alive”
[x]-Hard ass chick
[]-Runs out of ammo
[]-“We got company”
[]-Character that doesn't follow the rules
[]-Wilhelm
[]-Cocky douche bag
[]-Someone/something farts,poops,pukes,gets hit in the junk, or gets some sort of bodily fluid besides blood squirted,thrown,or splattered on them.
[]-Bad guy has a theme song
[x]-Token black guy
[]-Black guy dies first
[]-“Aw hell no”
[]-SSSSLLLOOOWWW MMMOOOTTTIIIOOONNN!!
[]-Old man mentor
[]-Animal/robot/sidekick for comedy relief
[]-Guy named Jack
[]-Bad guy uses a pun
[]-Crotchety old man
[]-4th wall breach
[xxxx]-Scenery shot to eat up time.
[]-Uncomfortable scene where cute guy/girl finds out unattractive friend wants to be more than friends or likes them as more than a friend.
[]-Bad guy laughs at own joke.
[x]-Dead body.
[x]-Main Character says something blatantly obvious.
[]-intro with narrative back story.
[]-ASSHOLES that need to be castrated due to violent acts and crimes committed on children.

Shawshank Redemption

I begin Morgan Freeman week with my favorite movie he was in. If you have not seen this movie then you should seek forgiveness from your spiritual leader.

[]-Bad guy has facial hair
[]-Dead family member
[]-Bad guy “wants to deal with it myself”
[] -“NOOOOOOOOO!!!”
[]-Someone gets impaled
[]-Someone gets a limb/head hacked off
[]-Someone explodes
[]-Someone dives out of the way of an explosion
[]-“I want him alive”
[]-Hard ass chick
[]-Runs out of ammo
[]-“We got company”
[]-Character that doesn't follow the rules
[]-Wilhelm
[xx]-Cocky douche bag
[xx]-Someone/something farts,poops,pukes,gets hit in the junk, or gets some sort of bodily fluid besides blood squirted,thrown,or splattered on them.
[]-Bad guy has a theme song
[xx]-Token black guy
[]-Black guy dies first
[]-“Aw hell no”
[]-SSSSLLLOOOWWW MMMOOOTTTIIIOOONNN!!
[]-Old man mentor
[]-Animal/robot/sidekick for comedy relief
[]-Guy named Jack
[]-Bad guy uses a pun
[x]-Crotchety old man
[]-4th wall breach
[]-Scenery shot to eat up time.
[]-Uncomfortable scene where cute guy/girl finds out unattractive friend wants to be more than friends or likes them as more than a friend.
[]-Bad guy laughs at own joke.
[xxxxxx]-Dead body.
[xx]-Main Character says something blatantly obvious.
[x]-intro with narrative back story.
[]-ASSHOLES that need to be castrated due to violent acts and crimes committed on children.


Quotes
Either get busy livin or get busy diein
Lord it's a miracle!!!! Man up and vanished like a fart in the wind.
And it's fatass by a nose
He's a phantom, an apparition, second cousin to Harvey the rabbit. I conjured him out of thin air. He doesn't exist, except on paper.
I like to think the last thing that went through his head - other than that bullet - was to wonder how the hell Andy Dufresne ever got the best of him.
Old man is as crazy as a rat in a tin shit house.

This movie is just full of quotable lines. Hell I would be here all night typing the shit you will hear.