Con Air

Netflix Summery:
When the government puts all its rotten criminal eggs in one airborne basket, it's asking for trouble. Before you can say, "Pass the barf bag," the crooks control the plane, led by creepy Cyrus "The Virus" Grissom (John Malkovich). Watching his every move is the just-released Nicolas Cage, who'd rather reunite with his family. The action climaxes with an incredible crash sequence in Las Vegas.

Checklist:
[x]Bad guy has facial hair
[ ]Dead family member
[ ]Bad guy “wants to deal with it myself”
[ ]“NOOOOOOOOO!!!”
[x]Someone gets impaled
[x]Someone gets a limb/head hacked off
[x]Someone explodes
[x]Someone dives out of the way of an explosion
[ ]“I want him alive”
[x]Hard ass chick
[x]Runs out of ammo
[xx]“We got company”
[x]Character that doesn't follow the rules
[ ]Wilhelm
[x]Cocky douche bag
[ ]Someone/something farts,poops,pukes,gets hit in the junk, or gets some sort of bodily fluid -besides blood squirted,thrown,or splattered on them.
[ ]Bad guy has a theme song
[ ]Token black guy
[ ]Black guy dies first
[ ]“Aw hell no”
[x]SSSSLLLOOOWWW MMMOOOTTTIIIOOONNN!!
[ ]Old man mentor
[ ]Animal/robot/sidekick for comedy relief
[ ]Guy named Jack
[x]Bad guy uses a pun
[x]Crotchety old man
[ ]Midget
[ ]Monkey
[ ]Uncomfortable scene where the cute guy/girl finds out unattractive friend wants to be more then friends or likes them more then a friend.
[ ]Bad guy laughs at at his own stupid joke
[ ]Character that is taking revenge
[ ]That overused scene where the two characters almost kiss but get interrupted by something
[ ]Someone trips during a chase scene
[ ]Character misses chance to shoot bad guy because he is too busy staring or listening to what the bad guy is saying
[ ]Explanation via a chalkboard
[ ]“Last hope”
[x]Martyrdom
[ ]Blonde in distress
[x]Montage of some sort to show time is passing
[ ]Car/vehicle flies off a cliff, then explodes
[ ]Henchmen waiting around and passing the time by talking to one another
[x]Character says something blatantly obvious
[ ]Intro includes narrated back story
[x]Deus Ex Machina
[ ]Impossible throw/shot
Cliché Total: 17/45 *New High Score!*

Things I Thought to Myself While Watching This Movie:
“Maybe you should put the headset on your head instead of just holding up the earpiece to your face, you look stupid.”
“There are plenty of empty seats on that plane. Why did they put the annoying black guy and the indian next to each other?”
“NICKY CAGE SOUNDS JUST LIKE FORREST GUMP!”

The Drinking Game:
Take a drink every time Diamond Dog says the word “pigs” (or if you really wanna get wasted take a drink every time something explodes).

Thoughts Of The Main Character As It Fades To Credits:
“Wow, life really IS like a box of chocolates.”

Quote(s):
"Man this is the time to fight, f*ck, or hit the fence, and I suggest you hit the fence"
"You just stay here and don't panic." "Easy for you to say, you dont gotta take a piss"
"I dont know how to tell ya this Cyrus, but we are three white guys short. Or as they say in Ebonics 'We be f*cked'”
"Gag and bag this nazi muffin"
"Put the bunny back in the box"

Summarization of Movie in One or Two Sentences:
Con Air: A movie starring Nicky Cage as Forrest Gump as he spends a good chunk of the movie trying to find a needle to give Bubbah his insulin only to have Bubbah get shot a few minutes after getting said insulin.

Stereotypes Portrayed:
Too many to name.

This Movie Brought To You By:
Some backed chicken, a Rice Krispie treat andsome diet coke,

Final Rating:
I give this movie 3 burning injins out of 5

Things You Might Have Missed By Leaving To Make A Sandwich During The Movie:
Nicky Cage's horrible southern accent (that makes him sound like Forrest Gump), "SNOWBALLS!", picking your handcuffs with a pin you hid inside your hand, lighting indian man on fire, the ol' bomb in a box that says "Dont open" on it because its a bomb trick, a license plate that says "AZZ KIKR", hitching up the inmates to the plane and dragging it out of the dirt like they are cattle, a cross dressing inmate, crash landing the plane on the Las Vegas strip, using a fire hose to take out cops on motorcycles, the plane taking off dragging a car behind it, and FINALLY: driving down the street on a beautiful day with your wife, the car is freshly waxed, peaceful music is playing and BAM a dead guy falls out of the sky and lands on your car.

Closing Thoughts:
This movie is a classic. I decided to try and pick a movie that had as many cliches as possible and boy Con Air didn't disappoint. Its a movie where anything and everything blows up and anybody and everybody gets shot. The movie could have gone without the really creepy but pointless Steve Buscemi parts but hey I am not complaining. If you are looking for a big dumb action movie, you cant go wrong with this.

P.S I have swapped out "shes gonna blow!" with "Montage of some sort to show time is passing"