Echelon Conspiracy

Netflix Summery:
After stumbling upon a strange cell phone that seems to steer him toward limitless wealth, a young engineer (Shane West) goes along for the ride. But the road veers into dangerous territory when he becomes the target of a global conspiracy. Edward Burns, Ving Rhames and Martin Sheen co-star in this politically charged thriller about a deadly device and the lengths to which people will go to get their hands on it.

Checklist:
[ ]Bad guy has facial hair
[ ]Dead family member
[ ]Bad guy “wants to deal with it myself”
[ ]“NOOOOOOOOO!!!”
[ ]Someone gets impaled
[ ]Someone gets a limb/head hacked off
[ ]Someone explodes
[x]Someone dives out of the way of an explosion
[ ]“I want him alive”
[x]Hard ass chick
[ ]Runs out of ammo
[ ]“We got company”
[x]Character that doesn't follow the rules
[ ]Wilhelm
[ ]Cocky douche bag
[ ]Someone/something farts,poops,pukes,gets hit in the junk, or gets some sort of bodily fluid -besides blood squirted,thrown,or splattered on them.
[ ]Bad guy has a theme song
[x]Token black guy
[ ]Black guy dies first
[ ]“Aw hell no”
[ ]SSSSLLLOOOWWW MMMOOOTTTIIIOOONNN!!
[ ]Old man mentor
[ ]Animal/robot/sidekick for comedy relief
[ ]Guy named Jack
[ ]Bad guy uses a pun
[ ]Crotchety old man
[ ]Midget
[ ]Monkey
[ ]Uncomfortable scene where the cute guy/girl finds out unattractive friend wants to be more then friends or likes them more then a friend.
[ ]Bad guy laughs at at his own stupid joke
[ ]Character that is taking revenge
[ ]That overused scene where the two characters almost kiss but get interrupted by something
[ ]Someone trips during a chase scene
[ ]Character misses chance to shoot bad guy because he is too busy staring or listening to what the bad guy is saying
[ ]Explanation via a chalkboard
[ ]“Last hope”
[ ]Martyrdom
[ ]Blonde in distress
[ ]“Shes gonna blow!”
[ ]Car/vehicle flies off a cliff, then explodes
[ ]Henchmen waiting around and passing the time by talking to one another
[x]Character says something blatantly obvious
[ ]Intro includes narrated back story
[x]Deus Ex Machina
[ ]Impossible throw/shot
Cliché Total: 6/45

Things I Thought to Myself While Watching This Movie:
“Thats right Mr. Peterson, listen to everything the mysterious phone tells you to do. I am sure it has no dastardly motive at all.”
“Hey Mr. FBI man, texts and sms messages ARE THE SAME THING!!!”

The Drinking Game:
Take a drink every time this movie reminds you of the movie Eagle Eye.

Thoughts Of The Main Character As It Fades To Credits:
“'Say hi to mother'? Wait! Yuri and I are related?!”

Quote:
"Nice to see youre still a prick" "Nice tie"
"Do you know what the 3 most important words in politics are" "No sir" "Dont get caught"

Summarization of Movie in One or Two Sentences:
Echelon Conspiracy: AKA, Eagle Eye without Shia LaBeouf.

Stereotypes Portrayed:
Computer nerds can type 200 words a minute and all Russian guys have to be named either Yuri, Viktor, Or Ivan

This Movie Brought To You By:
Half of a blueberry muffin, a cup noodle with extra carrots added, and a Jarritos soda

Final Rating:
I give this movie 2 ½ power overloads via a belt buckle out of 5

Things You Might Have Missed By Leaving To Make A Sandwich During The Movie:
Knocking out the power with a belt, making insane bets at casinos because a phone told you to, pointing at an estranged stair well on a surveillance screen and knowing EXACTLY where it is, a guy that kinda sounds like the Alstate commercial guy, convincing a computer that it is doing the wrong thing, a crappy attempt at a twist ending, and FINALLY: starting off the movie on a tense note in which someone get nailed by a train...and then breaking into a poppy, indie rock song.