Surrogates

Surrogates
Netflix Summery:
Based on Robert Venditti's graphic novel of the same name, director Jonathan Mostow's sci-fi thriller is set in a futuristic world in which humans hibernate at home while living their lives vicariously through robot surrogates. When a series of mysterious surrogate murders occurs, FBI agent Greer (Bruce Willis) ventures out into the world for the first time in years to investigate. Radha Mitchell and Ving Rhames co-star.

Checklist:
[x]Bad guy has facial hair
[x]Dead family member
[ ]Bad guy “wants to deal with it myself”
[x]“NOOOOOOOOO!!!”
[ ]Someone gets impaled
[x]Someone gets a limb/head hacked off
[x]Someone explodes
[ ]Someone dives out of the way of an explosion
[ ]“I want him alive”
[ ]Hard ass chick
[x]Runs out of ammo
[ ]“We got company”
[x]Character that doesn't follow the rules
[ ]Wilhelm
[ ]Cocky douche bag
[ ]Someone/something farts,poops,pukes,gets hit in the junk, or gets some sort of bodily fluid -besides blood squirted,thrown,or splattered on them.
[ ]Bad guy has a theme song
[ ]Token black guy
[ ]Black guy dies first
[ ]“Aw hell no”
[ ]SSSSLLLOOOWWW MMMOOOTTTIIIOOONNN!!
[ ]Old man mentor
[ ]Animal/robot/sidekick for comedy relief
[ ]Guy named Jack
[ ]Bad guy uses a pun
[ ]Crotchety old man
[ ]Midget
[ ]Monkey
[ ]Uncomfortable scene where the cute guy/girl finds out unattractive friend wants to be more then friends or likes them more then a friend.
[ ]Bad guy laughs at at his own stupid joke
[x]Character that is taking revenge
[ ]That overused scene where the two characters almost kiss but get interrupted by something
[ ]Someone trips during a chase scene
[ ]Character misses chance to shoot bad guy because he is too busy staring or listening to what the bad guy is saying
[ ]Explanation via a chalkboard
[ ]“Last hope”
[ ]Martyrdom
[ ]Blonde in distress
[ ]“Shes gonna blow!”
[ ]Car/vehicle flies off a cliff, then explodes
[ ]Henchmen waiting around and passing the time by talking to one another
[x]Character says something blatantly obvious
[x]Intro includes narrated back story
[ ]Deus Ex Machina
[ ]Impossible throw/shot
Cliché Total: 10/45

Things I Thought to Myself While Watching This Movie:
“WHAT?! BRUSE WILLIS WITH HAIR?!”
“I guess James Cromwell is the go-to guy for whenever you need an old guy character who is responsible for inventing and pioneering the mass usage of robots.”
“Whats the point of war if you are just killin robots?”

Thoughts Of The Main Character As It Fades To Credits:
“Golly geez, all the surrogates are dead. Now who is gonna clean up all these robots?”

Quote:
“To kill an addiction, you have to kill the addict”

Summarization of Movie in One or Two Sentences:
Surrogates: The Matrix, starring Bruce Willis.

Stereotypes Portrayed:
Fat computer nerds and hicks with shotguns

This Movie Brought To You By:
PB&J and some left over chicken nuggets

Final Rating:
I give this movie 3 ½ horrible looking hairpieces out of 5

Things You Might Have Missed By Leaving To Make A Sandwich During The Movie:
Fat guys living double lives as skinny blonde women, trying to pat out the flames of a helicopter that just exploded, japanese robot rental shops, robot crucifixion, everyone in the world falling over at the same time, the ol' using someones body to bypass retinal scanners trick, Bruce Willis's awful hairpiece, and FINALLY: getting your surrogate “high” with an electric bong.