Megashark Vs. Giant Octopus

Megashark Vs. Giant Octupus
Netflix Summery:
After a series of mysterious disasters occurs in the Pacific, from the disappearance of a plane to the destruction of an oil rig, a group of scientists discovers that a secret military mission has unearthed a prehistoric shark and a giant octopus. When the government learns of the existence of the menacing beasts, the team of scientists is tasked with formulating a plan to destroy the phenomenal creatures. Lorenzo Lamas and Deborah Gibson star.

Checklist:
[ ]Bad guy has facial hair
[ ]Dead family member
[ ]Bad guy “wants to deal with it myself”
[x]“NOOOOOOOOO!!!”
[ ]Someone gets impaled
[ ]Someone gets a limb/head hacked off
[x]Someone explodes
[ ]Someone dives out of the way of an explosion
[ ]“I want him alive”
[ ]Hard ass chick
[ ]Runs out of ammo
[ ]“We got company”
[x]Character that doesn't follow the rules
[x]Wilhelm
[x]Cocky douche bag
[x]Someone/something farts,poops,pukes,gets hit in the junk, or gets some sort of bodily fluid -besides blood squirted,thrown,or splattered on them.
[ ]Bad guy has a theme song
[ ]Token black guy
[ ]Black guy dies first
[ ]“Aw hell no”
[ ]SSSSLLLOOOWWW MMMOOOTTTIIIOOONNN!!
[x]Old man mentor
[ ]Animal/robot/sidekick for comedy relief
[ ]Guy named Jack
[ ]Bad guy uses a pun
[ ]Crotchety old man
[ ]Midget
[ ]Monkey
[x]Uncomfortable scene where the cute guy/girl finds out unattractive friend wants to be more then friends or likes them more then a friend.
[ ]Bad guy laughs at at his own stupid joke
[ ]Character that is taking revenge
[ ]That overused scene where the two characters almost kiss but get interrupted by something
[ ]Someone trips during a chase scene
[ ]Character misses chance to shoot bad guy because he is too busy staring or listening to what the bad guy is saying
[ ]Explanation via a chalkboard
[ ]“Last hope”
[ ]Martyrdom
[ ]Blonde in distress
[ ]“Shes gonna blow!”
[ ]Car/vehicle flies off a cliff, then explodes
[ ]Henchmen waiting around and passing the time by talking to one another
[x]Character says something blatantly obvious
[ ]Intro includes narrated back story
[x]Deus Ex Machina
[ ]Impossible throw/shot
Cliché Total: 10/45

Things I Thought to Myself While Watching This Movie:
“If your friend dropped the dvd off why was there no return address on the envelope?”
“Wow a sex scene that was essential to the plot”
“You guys dont know if thats the shark or the octopus? The sonar clearly depicts a blob looking thing with tentatcles.”

The Drinking Game:
Take a drink everytime they restablish where the main characters are by an outside shot and a title saying that they are at " Treasure Island, US Naval Air Command Station

Thoughts Of The Main Character As It Fades To Credits:
“Man I cant believe we just killed that giant shark and ocotupus. Guess its time to kill Super Shrimp”

Quote:
"Yeah customs, we have customs in the U.S too." "Urinatiing on co-workers?"
"Those guys have been frozed in ice for millions of years, wouldnt you be a little horny?"

Summarization of Movie in One or Two Sentences:
Megashark Vs. Giant Octopus: a movie that proves that its possible to fall in love after knowing someone for a little more then a week.

Stereotypes Portrayed:
Smart Japanese scientist and smart people wear glasses

This Movie Brought To You By:
Ribs, brownies, and a philly cheese steak hot pocket

Final Rating:
I give this movie 2 ½ unlikely animal rivalries out of 5

Things You Might Have Missed By Leaving To Make A Sandwich During The Movie:
Sharksicle, a foot and a half long sharks tooth, randomly cutting to black and white, using the same shot over and over again, pronouncing "Feng Shui" as "Fang Shui", the stereotype that all chemicals when mixed change colors, neon glowing pheromones, giant shark taking a bite out of the golden gate bridge while the military literally just sits there, huge tentacles slapping a fighter jet out of the sky, and FINALLY: megashark jumping out of the water and taking out a 747 jet with its teeth
-Frazati