Netflix Summary:
"In the year 2000, an alien race known as the Psychlos devastated Earth and turned it into a wasteland. In the year 3000, the aliens -- led by the horrific Terl (John Travolta) -- still hold the surviving human population hostage and have forced Earthlings into slavery. But when human Johnny Goodboy Tyler (Barry Pepper) discovers the aliens' major weakness and leads the final fight for Earth's survival, the parasitic Psychlos are in for a shock."
Checklist:
[xxxxxx]Bad guy has facial hair
[xxx]Dead family member
[ ]Bad guy “wants to deal with it myself”
[xx]“NOOOOOOOOO!!!”
[ ]Someone gets impaled
[x]Someone gets a limb/head hacked off (or in this case, blown off)
[ ]Someone explodes
[ ]Someone dives out of the way of an explosion
[ ]“I want him alive”
[x]Hard ass chick
[ ]Runs out of ammo
[x]“We got company”
[ ]Character that doesn't follow the rules
[ ]Wilhelm
[x]Cocky douche bag
[ ]Someone/something farts,poops,pukes,gets hit in the junk, or gets some sort of bodily fluid -besides blood squirted,thrown,or splattered on them.
[ ]Bad guy has a theme song
[x]Token black guy
[ ]Black guy dies first
[ ]“Aw hell no”
[xxx]SSSSLLLOOOWWW MMMOOOTTTIIIOOONNN!!
[ ]Old man mentor
[ ]Animal/robot/sidekick for comedy relief
[ ]Guy named Jack
[ ]Bad guy uses a pun
[ ]Crotchety old man
[ ]Midget
[ ]Monkey
[ ]Uncomfortable scene where the cute guy/girl finds out unattractive friend wants to be more then friends or likes them more then a friend.
[ ]Bad guy laughs at at his own stupid joke
[x]Character with a stupid name
[ ]That overused scene where the two characters almost kiss but get interrupted by something
[ ]Bumbling cops
[ ]Character misses chance to shoot bad guy because he is too busy staring or listening to what the bad guy is saying
[ ]Explanation via a chalkboard
[x]“Last hope”
[x]Martyrdom
[ ]Blonde in distress
[ ]“Shes gonna blow!”
[ ]Car/vehicle flies off a cliff, then explodes
[ ]Henchmen waiting around and passing the time by talking to one another
[ ]Character says something blatantly obvious
[ ]Intro includes narrated back story
[ ]Deus Ex Machina
[x]Impossible throw/shot
Cliché Total: 13/45
Things I Thought to Myself While Watching This Movie:
“Man that prison food looks like it is the stuff they insulate homes with.”
“I cannot take any of these aliens seriously with those things up their noses.”
“For an alien race that looks down on us and treats us as inferior animals, they sure like to use a lot of our idioms and cliches.”
The Drinking Game:
Take a drink every time one of the aliens makes some comment about how stupid/ inferior the "Mananimals" are. Take a drink every time the main alien says the word "leverage". Take 2 drinks every time the main alien chokes someone. Chug a beer every time the main alien promises something and then does that thing via doing that thing in a roundabout way (i.e "I promise I wont kill him" *hands the detonator to his buddy and his buddy blows a human up* “See I didn't blow him up, that guy did”)
Thoughts Of The Main Character As It Fades To Credits:
“Finally, those aliens are gone and we have our planet back. Boy I sure want some more of that prison food.”
Quote:
"With my share I'm gonna fire all my wives, and buy new ones.”
Summarization of Movie in One or Two Sentences:
Battlefield Earth: A movie that shows how simple it is for humans that grew up without technology can easily become experts at using fighter planes, assault rifles, and nukes.
Stereotypes Portrayed:
Prison brawl scene. Antagonist thinks that he is a complete genius and there is no way that his plan can fail.
This Movie Brought To You By:
Some oatmeal with some apple thrown in, and some more pizza rolls.
Final Rating:
This movie gets a rating of 2 ½ Comments on how Mananimals are stupid out of 5.
Things You Might Have Missed By Leaving to Make A Sandwich During The Movie:
The stereotypical alien alcohol that glows some neon color, the language teaching machine that shoots light into your eyes and BAM you can speak alien, shooting the legs off a cow, primitive ape sounds for communication, nose plugs that help you breathe, breaking through a window with a bike tire, a pointless 5 minute scene put in there so that John Travolta can use the insult “Rat Brain” over and over again, and finally: collars that are rigged with just enough explosives to blow a humans head off.
"With my share I'm gonna fire all my wives, and buy new ones.”
Summarization of Movie in One or Two Sentences:
Battlefield Earth: A movie that shows how simple it is for humans that grew up without technology can easily become experts at using fighter planes, assault rifles, and nukes.
Stereotypes Portrayed:
Prison brawl scene. Antagonist thinks that he is a complete genius and there is no way that his plan can fail.
This Movie Brought To You By:
Some oatmeal with some apple thrown in, and some more pizza rolls.
Final Rating:
This movie gets a rating of 2 ½ Comments on how Mananimals are stupid out of 5.
Things You Might Have Missed By Leaving to Make A Sandwich During The Movie:
The stereotypical alien alcohol that glows some neon color, the language teaching machine that shoots light into your eyes and BAM you can speak alien, shooting the legs off a cow, primitive ape sounds for communication, nose plugs that help you breathe, breaking through a window with a bike tire, a pointless 5 minute scene put in there so that John Travolta can use the insult “Rat Brain” over and over again, and finally: collars that are rigged with just enough explosives to blow a humans head off.
Note from the Author: Quick update on the checklist: I have swapped out "Morgan Freeman" for "Martyrdom".
-Frazati
No comments:
Post a Comment