Pandorum
Netflix Summary:
“Upon rousing themselves from hyper-sleep, Payton (Dennis Quaid) and Bower (Ben Foster), a pair of crewmen assigned to work on a spacecraft, discover startling gaps in their collective memory -- including who they are and what, exactly, their mission was in the first place. The plot thickens when they realize they're not the only ones on board the ship.Cam Gigandet co-stars in this gripping sci-fi thriller.”
Checklist:
[ ]Bad guy has facial hair
[ ]Dead family member
[ ]Bad guy “wants to deal with it myself”
[ ]“NOOOOOOOOO!!!”
[x]Someone gets impaled
[x]Someone gets a limb/head hacked off
[x]Someone explodes
[ ]Someone dives out of the way of an explosion
[ ]“I want him alive”
[x]Hard ass chick
[ ]Runs out of ammo
[ ]“We got company”
[ ]Character that doesn't follow the rules
[ ]Wilhelm
[ ]Cocky douche bag
[x]Someone/something farts,poops,pukes,gets hit in the junk, or gets some sort of bodily fluid -besides blood squirted,thrown,or splattered on them.
[ ]Bad guy has a theme song
[x]Token black guy
[ ]Black guy dies first
[ ]“Aw hell no”
[x]SSSSLLLOOOWWW MMMOOOTTTIIIOOONNN!!
[ ]Old man mentor
[ ]Animal/robot/sidekick for comedy relief
[ ]Guy named Jack
[ ]Bad guy uses a pun
[ ]Crotchety old man
[ ]Midget
[ ]Monkey
[ ]Uncomfortable scene where the cute guy/girl finds out unattractive friend wants to be more then friends or likes them more then a friend.
[ ]Bad guy laughs at at his own stupid joke
[ ]Character with a stupid name
[ ]That overused scene where the two characters almost kiss but get interrupted by something
[ ]Bumbling cops
[ ]Character misses chance to shoot bad guy because he is too busy staring or listening to what the bad guy is saying
[ ]Explanation via a chalkboard
[ ]“Last hope”
[ ]Martyrdom
[ ]Blonde in distress
[ ]“Shes gonna blow!”
[ ]Car/vehicle flies off a cliff, then explodes
[ ]Henchmen waiting around and passing the time by talking to one another
[x]Character says something blatantly obvious
[ ]Intro includes narrated back story
[x]Deus Ex Machina
[ ]Impossible throw/shot
Cliché Total: 9/45
Things I Thought to Myself While Watching This Movie:
“Hey look! Reevers!”
“I like how the whole ship is just one huge crankable flashlight.”
“So first the cryo tubes were sound proof. now they aren't for the sake of the plot. way to go writers.”
“Why doesn't that exit door have a hand crank?”
“IT WAS EARTH THE WHOLE TIME!!!”
The Drinking Game:
Take a drink every time someone cracks open a glow stick out of thin air.
Thoughts Of The Main Character As It Fades To Credits:
“Hey! Our species is gonna survive! Now how are we gonna reach the ship now that we know its at the bottom of an ocean?”
Quote:
"What would be more stupid? Trusting the ship will hold to see another day when it has kept me alive for all these years? Or trusting some guy whose just good enough to say anything just as I'm about to carve a steak out of his girlfriend?"
Summarization of Movie in One or Two Sentences:
Pandorum: Pretty much its Aliens and Donnie Darko. Except there are zombies and no creepy looking rabbit.
Stereotypes Portrayed:
There are pretty much zero stereotypes that I could find.
This Movie Brought To You By:
A chicken and ranch burrito
Final Rating:
I give Pandorum 3 ½ glow sticks pulled out of thin air out of 5
Things You Might Have Missed By Leaving To Make A Sandwich During The Movie:
Peeling your skin off after waking up from hyper sleep, falling into a huge pit of poo and who knows what else, a pointless character that for some reason didn't speak english (but boy does he know how to hold up a metal bridge with his bare hand), a space ship thats pretty much a crankable flashlight, and finally: mutant zombie babies!!!
Netflix Summary:
“Upon rousing themselves from hyper-sleep, Payton (Dennis Quaid) and Bower (Ben Foster), a pair of crewmen assigned to work on a spacecraft, discover startling gaps in their collective memory -- including who they are and what, exactly, their mission was in the first place. The plot thickens when they realize they're not the only ones on board the ship.Cam Gigandet co-stars in this gripping sci-fi thriller.”
Checklist:
[ ]Bad guy has facial hair
[ ]Dead family member
[ ]Bad guy “wants to deal with it myself”
[ ]“NOOOOOOOOO!!!”
[x]Someone gets impaled
[x]Someone gets a limb/head hacked off
[x]Someone explodes
[ ]Someone dives out of the way of an explosion
[ ]“I want him alive”
[x]Hard ass chick
[ ]Runs out of ammo
[ ]“We got company”
[ ]Character that doesn't follow the rules
[ ]Wilhelm
[ ]Cocky douche bag
[x]Someone/something farts,poops,pukes,gets hit in the junk, or gets some sort of bodily fluid -besides blood squirted,thrown,or splattered on them.
[ ]Bad guy has a theme song
[x]Token black guy
[ ]Black guy dies first
[ ]“Aw hell no”
[x]SSSSLLLOOOWWW MMMOOOTTTIIIOOONNN!!
[ ]Old man mentor
[ ]Animal/robot/sidekick for comedy relief
[ ]Guy named Jack
[ ]Bad guy uses a pun
[ ]Crotchety old man
[ ]Midget
[ ]Monkey
[ ]Uncomfortable scene where the cute guy/girl finds out unattractive friend wants to be more then friends or likes them more then a friend.
[ ]Bad guy laughs at at his own stupid joke
[ ]Character with a stupid name
[ ]That overused scene where the two characters almost kiss but get interrupted by something
[ ]Bumbling cops
[ ]Character misses chance to shoot bad guy because he is too busy staring or listening to what the bad guy is saying
[ ]Explanation via a chalkboard
[ ]“Last hope”
[ ]Martyrdom
[ ]Blonde in distress
[ ]“Shes gonna blow!”
[ ]Car/vehicle flies off a cliff, then explodes
[ ]Henchmen waiting around and passing the time by talking to one another
[x]Character says something blatantly obvious
[ ]Intro includes narrated back story
[x]Deus Ex Machina
[ ]Impossible throw/shot
Cliché Total: 9/45
Things I Thought to Myself While Watching This Movie:
“Hey look! Reevers!”
“I like how the whole ship is just one huge crankable flashlight.”
“So first the cryo tubes were sound proof. now they aren't for the sake of the plot. way to go writers.”
“Why doesn't that exit door have a hand crank?”
“IT WAS EARTH THE WHOLE TIME!!!”
The Drinking Game:
Take a drink every time someone cracks open a glow stick out of thin air.
Thoughts Of The Main Character As It Fades To Credits:
“Hey! Our species is gonna survive! Now how are we gonna reach the ship now that we know its at the bottom of an ocean?”
Quote:
"What would be more stupid? Trusting the ship will hold to see another day when it has kept me alive for all these years? Or trusting some guy whose just good enough to say anything just as I'm about to carve a steak out of his girlfriend?"
Summarization of Movie in One or Two Sentences:
Pandorum: Pretty much its Aliens and Donnie Darko. Except there are zombies and no creepy looking rabbit.
Stereotypes Portrayed:
There are pretty much zero stereotypes that I could find.
This Movie Brought To You By:
A chicken and ranch burrito
Final Rating:
I give Pandorum 3 ½ glow sticks pulled out of thin air out of 5
Things You Might Have Missed By Leaving To Make A Sandwich During The Movie:
Peeling your skin off after waking up from hyper sleep, falling into a huge pit of poo and who knows what else, a pointless character that for some reason didn't speak english (but boy does he know how to hold up a metal bridge with his bare hand), a space ship thats pretty much a crankable flashlight, and finally: mutant zombie babies!!!
-Frazati
You liked it, admit it :p
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